Sobonfu Some's 7 Gates to Grief

This week several grief ritualists have reached out to me asking how Sobonfu taught the 7 gates to grief. This is also the week many people are learning about Francis Weller’s accusations of sexual abuse. There is more to say about that in another moment. I will be offering a facilitator training in the future & for this moment I will let it be simple. For anyone discerning what truly came from Sobonfu…

When I was in grief rituals with Sobonfu, these are the 7 she offered. I do not have her precise wording, but these are the spirit of them:

1. Personal loss: everyone and everything we love, we will lose. Our closest friends, parents, children, mentors, teachers, pets we will lose someday. Every relationship comes to an end.

2. Personal despair: what we long for and don’t think is possible. 

3. Dream departed: what we longed for and expected but did not happen.

4. Collective grief: sorrow of the world including the destruction of the earth, white supremacy, racism, ableism, sexism…

5. Ancestral: grieving for our ancestors’ unfinished business…

6. Compounded: accumulated over time before we can heal. Sometimes this feels numb.

7. Anger: unprocessed grief.