Grief Eros Film
Indigenous Heart Ritual for Collective Healing
The Grief Eros Film uplifts the indigenous wisdom of Sobonfu Somé's grief ritual so we in the West may heal around race, gender, eros, & secure attachment. This film conjures the healing we need to melt generations of trauma & come home to each other on this sacred earth. May we grieve what our ancestors could not yet grieve to leave a legacy so future generations may inherit more safety, solidarity, nature communion, devotion, generosity & embodied joy.
Experience the Film
As I did showings in progress to edit this film with your support, it became clear that the film needs to be experienced live together with ritual to move what arises in our bodies. So I'm very excited to share the upcoming tour of opportunities to join us below!
Join the 2025 Tour
✨ Grief Eros Ritual on Gender (Saturday, May 17, Sebastopol, CA for the Play Village & special guests)
✨ Making Water: Intro to Grief Ritual (Friday, 6:15 - 8:30 pm, May 23, Washington, DC)
✨ Global Intro to Grief Eros (Thursday, 6 - 7:30 pm pst, June 26, online)
✨ Grief Eros Ritual on Secure Attachment (Saturday, Aug 16, Sebastopol, CA for the Play Village)
✨ Grief Eros Ritual on Race (Saturday, Sept 20, Sebastopol, CA for the Play Village & special guests)
✨ Grief Eros Ritual (Aug 29 - 31, Evergreen, CO, co-facilitated by Victor Warring & Z Griss)
✨ Grief Eros Ritual on Eros (Saturday, Nov 15, Sebastopol, CA for the Play Village)
Play Village
Play level 2 is a 9 month immersion for grads of Play level 1. This extraordinary group rooted in Sebastopol, CA is growing a deep local village. We are reclaiming the role of grief ritual within a local village that connects in a steady rhythm over time, as the Dagara do. Our core Play Village will be experiencing all 4 themes of the film spread out over the 9 months with ritual, education, & integration in between. As noted above, 2 of these rituals will be open to special guests so we may weave with loved ones & share the power of our felt sense of village. I hold immense gratitude for those in the Play 2 village. Your devotion, your steadiness, your brave love is at the heart of these rituals. Sobonfu says, “It is as difficult for indigenous people to conceive of life without a community as it is for most Westerners to imagine life in a community.” Those of you in Play 2, thank you for interrupting a busy Western culture to drop into village time, tree time, to tend the soil of deeper relations with each other, nature & spirit.
Why I made this Film
This film came to me in 2020, as I lay in the dark for most of 10 months with my brain initiation (injury) & received a message from Sobonfu Somé. As I faced what might be the end of my life, I felt incredible gratitude & satisfaction for such a rewarding journey. I said goodbye to everyone & everything that I loved. The one regret I had was not making this film yet. I knew if I had a chance to live again, I would make this film. It took me 5 years to cultivate the health, capacity, & financial flow to make this film possible. Sobonfu continues to guide me. It takes a village to make a film about village. I invited some of my closest friends, incredible black & trans dancers, to collaborate. I wanted to show intimacy, love, grief & passion between bodies we don’t often see. The Dagara say, "if you want to protect yourself from the enemy, teach the enemy how to grieve." May this film call forth our grief in the Western world. May we receive Sobonfu’s gift to free our hearts & make our bodies & the world a safer place for all.
Reciprocity & Cultural Bridging
Given the history of colonization & cultural appropriation we want to share how we are bringing reverence to our relationship with the Dagara Tribe & Sobonfu’s family. Sometimes our fear of cultural appropriation can get in the way of the deep listening & healing we need to do for ourselves & the collective.
💙 Indigenous request: Every time I attended a grief ritual with Sobonfu a white person would ask if it was ok to share grief ritual with others. Every time Sobonfu would answer YES! She asked us to share these rituals, knowing it would make the world a safer place. There is a Dagara Proverb that says, “if you want to protect yourself from the enemy, teach the enemy how to grieve.” Sobonfu also asked us to credit the Dagara people as the source of these rituals. She said, “if you use your neighbor’s pot to cook dinner, enjoy the dinner and also let everyone know that you used your neighbor’s pot!”
💙 Indigenous reciprocity: Sobonfu asked us to donate 10% of the proceeds from grief ritual to Wisdom Spring. Since Sobonfu became an ancestor this organization no longer supports the Dagara people. Thanks to Coby Leibman, we are able to carry out Sobonfu’s wish to send money for drinking water to her village through the Sonder Project. We ask you & fellow grief ritualist to join us by contributing directly to the Dagara Empowerment Water Project here.
💙 Indigenous relationship: I'm thrilled to share that a group of us will be visiting Sobonfu's family & village this fall. This is a dream come true to tend a real relationship with the Dagara. Coby, Bernadette & I from the film will be traveling together. Special thank you to Coby Leibman & Alwyn Thomas for weaving relations with the Dagara over many years, so this trip could be possible! May our time together bridge the wisdoms & hearts between the Dagara & the West.
Ways to Share the Film
Sharing is an important way to extend the healing impact. Here are ways you can help:
Spread the Word: Share our content with your web of beloveds. Personal recommendations are the most powerful way to grow this field of healing.
Host a Community Ritual: We are open for 2026 requests! We’d love to bring this to your people. 2025 is now fully booked.
Support the Film
Will you help us cover the costs of making the film?
I'm now fiscally sponsored by the Field! This means that we can now accept grants from foundations. If you have connections that might want to support, please email me!
Our Team
We are dancers, lovers, filmmakers, ritualists, visionaries and healers. Three of us have been guiding grief rituals for years. Three of us worked directly with Sobonfu Somé. One of us, Coby, has been connecting with the Dagara people including the families of Sobonfu & Malidoma Somé through frequent visits to Burkina Faso. We are grateful and generous humans honoring our ancestral heritage. Coby prepared the food our ancestors ate so we may offer this healing to those who came before us, and those to come.
Z Griss (they/them) grief & eros ritualist, dancer, love coach, kink & gender educator for collective liberation. www.EmbodyMoreLove.com
Victor Warring (he/him) somatic sexuality educator, erotic activist, coach, dancer. www.ReWildEros.com
Bernadette Pleasant (she/her) grief ritualist, dancer, founder of the Emotional Institute & 400 years, a somatic based anti-racism program. www.theEmotionalInstitute.com
KJ Dahlaw (they/them) dance artist, founder of Unruly Body Tanztheater, queer eco-somatic dance theater. www.UnrulyBodyTanztheater.com
Coby Leibman (he/him/they) somatic practitioner, grief ritualist, bridge holder with Dagara culture, devotion through nourishing foods. www.CobyLeibman.com
Mer Al Dao (she/her) film as process, ritual & relationship www.Gualina.com
Julia Maryanska (she/her) Polish-American filmmaker & photographer committed to social impact, intimacy & regenerative culture. www.JuliaMaryanska.com
How we Created the Film
We gathered for 1 week to create and film 4 rituals. Each day we created an altar for one theme below. We moved through what wants to heal and what wants to be danced. We will bring you with us into sacred witnessing through the camera.
1. Secure attachment & village: healing from abandonment including ruptures and discontinuity in family, ancestry, and community
2. Intimacy & eros: reclaiming eros and sacred sexuality as part of our nature, our divinity, and a community resource
3. Healing from racism: expressing rage and grief to spiritually cleanse ourselves from the violence and distortion of white supremacy, to reclaim our humanity and healthy relationship with our cultural roots
4. Healing from sexism and the gender binary: freeing ourselves from gender conditioning, transphobia, systemic and internalized patriarchy, to restore the magic of our gender expression as a homecoming, a euphoric and spiritual act of liberation